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Dear Abby: I can’t forgive my mother for what she did, so I didn’t invite her to my wedding



Dear Abby: I’m a 30 year old woman who can’t seem to forgive my mother. I’ve had the feeling for years that she didn’t like me.

Every time I try to talk to her about it, she does the old switch and accuses me of being ungrateful and uncaring. She ruled me out the day my horse died, then called an hour later to tell me she had put my mare down.

I no longer want to be with her, because in her eyes, I can’t do anything well. I feel like any of her invitations are fake or last minute, especially to family gatherings.

Which brings me to the topic of my wedding: My fiancé and I both agreed that we didn’t want her there because of how she treated not only me, but him as well.

We sent out invitations and invited my dad, who is my hero. So, guess who’s hurt now? Now She wants to talk to me.

Abby, I don’t want to talk to her unless my fiancé’s mom “Shelley” is there as a buffer. Mom wouldn’t have spoken to me the way she normally would if Shelley had been there. I would not like to see or talk to my mother alone, and I have expressed that.

The thing is, it hurt my dad, and it hurt me. How do I treat myself with kindness without respecting myself? — Chaos in Montana

Dear Chaos: How “good” do you want to be with your mother? When you see her (and Shelley), will you invite her to the wedding? If your parents were still together, would you want your dad to show up without her? I doubt this might happen.

You need to make some mature decisions about your special day. Grit your teeth. Invite your mother and, if necessary, your parents to sit in “Siberia”. After that day, you will have no obligation to see or speak to her again. .

Dear Abby: After 30 years, I am considering filing for divorce. My husband has always had anger issues and I’ve been living with it. I’m not sure I want to continue to deal with this issue for the rest of my life.

What had stopped me before was our two children. I was afraid of being a single mother because my mom was a widow with four kids and I saw what she went through financially and emotionally without her husband.

Now that my children are grown and living independently, there is nothing stopping me except the fear of not being able to support myself. My husband makes more money than I do, and I have bills to pay. If I were renting an apartment, I would be like, “I’m not sure I can swing it.

I know the first step is to find a lawyer and discuss my options, but I’m worried that my husband will beg me to stay, which is what he has done in the past. Please help me decide what to do. — Maybe ready to go to Indiana

Dear, maybe you are ready: I’m happy to advise you. Talk to an attorney today to learn what your options are if you are not living with an abusive, ill-tempered husband.

Once you know where you stand, you can decide whether your husband’s begging is enough to motivate you to accept being treated the way he treats you for the rest of your life.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.



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