A survival guide for Alfie, the terrifying feline monster in Argyll

remember cat? Not everyone’s favorite feline, but the 2019 musical film directed by Tom Hooper cat.That movie broke the internet (and maybe the world) with its incredibly creepy human-cat hybrid, thanks in large part to some deplorable people working environment This results in bland visual effects. But there’s a new player in the creepy cat game, and he’s so unsettling that it’ll make you wonder if you even want another feline friend in your home.Meet Alfie, the four-legged terror Argyll.

Whether visiting family or fleeing assassins, writer Ellie Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard) always has her cat Alfie, a Scottish Fold, by her side—or rather, by her side. In the backpack.It’s a disgusting CG that, frankly, can’t go wrong pet cemetery.But don’t worry, we’ll handle this together.

Here’s a survival guide for managing all the complicated feelings that inevitably arise when watching Alfie. Argyll.

The initial shock and anger at seeing Alfie.

Image source: Universal Pictures

I’ve had a cat since kindergarten, but I’ve never seen a cat like Alfie. At first glance, Alfie looks like a real cat. But after a few seconds, as you stare into its dead digital eyes, it’s clear you’re dealing with something far more sinister. There’s nothing real about his movements. His mouth feels crooked and his claws look weird. Alfie’s skin seems believable, which makes the whole thing even more uncomfortable. You can never judge whether the cat is a friend or a foe. It’s a very strange choice to CG every shot of this cat, but you can tell by Alfie’s movements that this is just a cat poster.

Alfie spends most of the screen time in Ellie’s backpack, which has a bubble-shaped window for Alfie to look out of, which unfortunately provides us with the opportunity to see Alfie. Occasionally Alfie would blink or move slightly, breaking the illusion that someone had cut and pasted a picture of the cat and stuck it to his backpack.Because most of the time, he’ll be sitting there looking out into space, which seems like a direct reference to the famous and adorable Laser Yearbook Photo Cat This photo went viral in 2014. While the photo is adorable and the cat has a lot of personality, Alfie’s expression is completely blank.

Make a deal with the feline hellspawn.

Chip and director Matthew Vaughn on set "Argyll."

Image source: Universal Pictures

Now that we’ve seen how Alfie’s blank stare burrows its way into your brain (and nightmares), it’s time to reveal a very brutal truth. Alfie is a real cat; more specifically, he is Argyll Daughter of director Matthew Vaughn. This cat breed, the Scottish Fold, is also a concern because of its prohibitive cost and high price tag. major health problems – So much so Animal welfare groups raise concerns Scottish Fold cats feature prominently in movies.

Alfie’s real name is Chip (in a spy movie-level twist, my childhood cat’s name was Chip), and maybe he pops up in some scenes. But Chip’s performance is decidedly very digital. In some scenes, this makes perfect sense—after all, Alfie is thrown off a rooftop—but in other cases, like when he’s just walking around, he ends up looking like a creepy Snapchat Victims of filters. It’s weird and hard to deal with. Still, knowing there’s a real Alfie behind the scenes is ultimately reassuring rather than scary.

Just when you think you’re calm, any cat owner is struck by a worrisome realization: Where the hell is his litter box? It’s a gross but voluntary sacrifice any cat owner would make – (most) cats don’t use what is, after all, a toilet; they poop and pee in the box. This brings us to the devastating conclusion, and just when we’re finally satisfied with the goblin lurking around, he’s forced to relieve himself in the same backpack he spends 95% of his time. This is really inexcusable. Maybe that lifeless stare isn’t a technical error but a cry for help from a digital cat trapped in a cute carrier, adding some charm to this action-comedy feline disaster.

Finally, we accepted it.

Bryan Cranston and Put the Cat in "Argyll."

Image source: Universal Pictures

After hours of being mostly innocuous, just sitting there judging you with his soulless eyes, Alfie reveals his true intentions. What’s supposed to be a hilarious moment turns into something far more sinister when a crazed cat flies towards Bryan Cranston’s snarling villain as Alfie goes all out to kill. The evil spymaster.It’s during this brutal, fatal eye gouge that we finally learn what Alfie is capable of, and the violence is so reminiscent of game of Thrones. (Rest in peace, Oberyn Martell!)

There’s no hesitation; Alfie jumps from the ground in blind fury, close-ups revealing the full menace hiding in his (allegedly) sweet face. Here we see the demon roaring at him in his final form. Camera, teeth bared, ready for murder.

There’s a lot of killing in there Argyll; After all, he is the filmmaker behind kick ass and KingsmanHowever, Alfie dispatched Ellie’s enemies with surprising speed and quickly returned to her side, sitting calmly as if nothing had happened. After nearly two hours of worrying about what this demonic creature is capable of, he shows us his full, shocking potential.

Finally, we can accept that — not that we’re safe, not that Alfie is just computer-generated — but that one day, this furry little villain is coming for all of us.

Argyll Now in theaters.

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